


All Around Me

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Het, Humor, Mpreg, Romance, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-08
Updated: 2008-11-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:31:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Lies, Secrets, Love, and Tears. High school was easy compared to what happened in the last four years.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes:

Note: Yes, it is based of Season 5 premiere episode of OTH. It also will jump from present to past often.  No it’s not a crossover.

Disclaimer: *tear*: I don't own anything and sadly not Gale or Randy cuz if I did then they would be locked away in my basement with Izzy too cuz she would be mad if I didn't invite her  
 I only own Milo and Kristen.

Note: Yes, it is based of Season 5 premiere episode of OTH. It also will jump from present to past often.  No it’s not a crossover.

Disclaimer: *tear*: I don't own anything and sadly not Gale or Randy cuz if I did then they would be locked away in my basement with Izzy too cuz she would be mad if I didn't invite her  
 I only own Milo and Kristen.

 

* * *

 

** September-2008 **

Justin was sitting in his son’s room watching him sleep with the moonlight shining through the window bouncing off the small boy.  Now, in this he could pretend that everything was okay and they were happy.  He walked out of the room and into the dimly light living room, he saw his husband, the love of his life, sitting on the couch with a half empty bottle of Jim Beam.  He stood there in the doorway watching how the top of the bottle disappeared into the breaded mouth. 

 “What?” He snapped.

 “I’m tried.” Justin said full of emotion.

 “Go to bed then.” *Brian answered sharply*

 “No. I’m tried of this; you drinking yourself into stupor every damn night and day.” Justin’s voice with thick with hurt and anger.

 “Then why are you here?” Brian finally meets his husband’s gaze bringing the bottle to his lips. 

 “Good question…” Justin didn’t move his gaze.

With that Justin turned around and went into their bedroom where he would be alone yet again. He lies in the mattress underneath the huge blankets and let the tears slowly fall as he heard glass breaking against the wall. Suddenly, he heard the small padding of feet as they ran down the hallway to his room and there was his reason for staying.  Justin pulled Milo into bed with him.  He held their son close as he continued to listen to Brian throw things around the room. 

** June- 2003 **

Justin was sitting on a rock in the park, sketching. He wanted to somehow immortalize how peaceful and perfect everything seemed to be right in this moment. Suddenly, a shadow overcame his page he was drawing on. 

 “Can you move?” Justin asked in slight annoyance.

*Yeah, Sure* The shadow said.  Instead of leaving he sat down next to him.  Justin, finally curious enough and annoyed that someone had interrupted his flow, looked over and met familiar hazel eyes. 

Brian, who had been walking by the lake, saw someone sketching and normally wouldn’t bother but for some reason, he had never seen the blond before. He tried to ignore the urge to talk to him but the moment he saw the deep blue eyes and that smile he couldn’t stop himself.  He walked right into the line of sight to get him to talk to him but instead all he got was *can you move?* 

 “Yeah, sure.” Brian quickly said. 

He only moved to sit right next to him. He wasn’t used to someone essentially ignoring him. By now, he would have walked away but for some reason he couldn’t. Finally, the blond looked at him. 

 “Yes?” Justin asked with questioning look.

 Brian smiled his charming smile that everyone was used too. “Hi, I’m…” 

Justin finished before Brian could go on. “Brian Kinney and I’m so not interested.” 

Brian was shocked by this; he didn’t know how the blond knew him or how he couldn’t be interested in him. He had never experienced something like this before. 

 “How um... do you know who I am and why not interested?”  He wasn’t sure excitedly how this person knew him because it was honestly first time he had ever seen the blond.

 “Let’s see Mr. Kinney…” *he spat out sarcastically* “Same school since Kindergarten.  Hell, we were even in the same English class this past year.” 

Brian was taken aback by Justin’s words; he didn’t believe this. 

 He smirked finishing his statement. “Plus, I hang out with your brother too.” 

With that Justin got up and left a very shocked Brian behind. 

** September-2008 **

Justin was pulled out of a deep, yet unsatisfying sleep, by the blaring of the alarm clock. 

The clock read 6:00 A.M. Today was his first day as an art teacher. He was going to be teaching at the local Jr. High. It wasn’t the big deal in the art world that he wanted to do when he was younger, but he had no regrets. He wanted to teach kids the love and joy of art.  He walked to the bathroom to take a shower as Milo slept in for a little longer.  

20 minutes later, he was just finishing breakfast and rushing to get Milo ready.  Brian laid on the couch listening to Justin clean up the empty bottles of beer and Jim Beam. He could hear Justin talking to Milo. 

Justin crawled next to his son to wake him. “Mi, go get your toys to take with you for when you hang out with Uncle Ben.” 

Justin walks over to the couch and looks at Brian. He pushes the long, thick strands of hair off of his forehead. 

Justin whispered. “I love you and I miss you.” 

He leans down to gently kiss his forehead. He sees Milo standing in the doorway. 

“Come say bye to Daddy” 

Milo runs over to where Justin was and kisses his fathers cheek. 

 “Bye daddy.”  He smiled as he walked back to Justin. 

Justin and Milo set out to begin their day. Brian lay with his eyes closed until he heard the front door close. He opened his eyes and pulled his wheelchair to the edge of the couch and he slowly manoeuvred himself to the chair.  He rolled himself to the back door of the porch and he opened the door and rolled out to the backyard and parked his chair and looked onto the pool. 

** June-2003 **

From the day he first saw Justin, which he learned his name from Michael he saw the blond everywhere. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much. He finally braved it one day and went into the local coffee shop where he knew Ben’s mom worked. He hated Ben but not as much as Jack.  He was standing across the street when he heard a familiar, whiny voice call his name. 

 “Hey Bri.” Mikey walked next to his best friend.

Brian grimaced before answering “Mikey, what’s up?” 

 “Nothing, so how was practice?” 

Brian chooses to ignore the question instead he put his arm around the smaller man and walked away with him while talking about nothing in particular. 

Justin, who had been working, saw the whole thing. He didn’t know why, but Brian putting his arm around the little pest of his friend pissed him off. Suddenly, he sees his best friend come in from the storage room. 

 “Hey Blondie.” 

Justin smiled at his best friends nickname “Hey M. M.” 

Ben sighed “I told you not to call me that.” 

Justin laughed a little before responding “Well, no one said for you to become Muscle man over night now, did they?” 

Ben rolled his eyes and threw a dishtowel at Justin. 

 “Mean.” Justin pouted

Ben rolled his eyes. “Whatever. So, I saw him outside?”

 “Yeah, me too. God, he is so annoying.” 

Ben answered with his tone full of frustration “Well, of course. He thinks he got the better end of the deal.” 

 “I have to disagree with him.” The blond smiled at his friend. 

Ben smiled at Justin.  “Me too.” 

They continued to work and joke around for the rest of the afternoon ‘till ten o’clock, when they finally closed for the night. Justin was walking home alone, that was the good thing about small towns at 10 at night practically everyone was in bed for the night. He was walking down Main Street when he heard foot steps behind him. 

Justin laughed “You can’t scare me Ben.” 

Brian who had been following the blond decided to make his presence known and ran up next to him. 

 “I’m not Ben.” 

 “Sadly…”  Justin sighed. 

Brian snapped.  “What does that mean?” 

They stopped walking and were now face to face 

 “Ben is a great guy but all you and your stupid fucking father do is trash him.” Justin finished his statement with passion.

Brian rolled his tongue in his cheek. “It’s none of your business what Jack and I do.” 

 “Yes it is when it affects my best friend; Now, good night.”Justin snapped before he walked around him and continued down the street when suddenly he felt himself being turned around. 

 “What!?” *his tone came out sharper then he intending for it to* 

 “I’m um…sorry, for you know starting back there.” Brian shocked by the blond.

Justin let out a small laugh and met Brian’s eyes and saw nervousness, Justin’s of course showed amusement. 

“Not used to apologizing, huh?” *he started to laugh and soon Brian joined him* 

 “No, so how did I do?” *cocks his eyebrow* 

 “Not bad for your first time.” *smiles* “So, um... did you want something?” 

 “Um…yeah, would you like to go out with me?” 

Justin raised his eyebrow “Like a date? Because I heard that you don’t date.” 

Brian smiled. “Yeah a date. Normally I don’t, but you are different.” 

 “Oh, how so?” He asked with questioning gaze. 

 “Well, for one, you won’t put up with my shit.” *rolled his tongue into his cheek* 

Justin smirked. “Damn right.” 

Justin started to walk away leaving a very shocked Brian watching him. When he walked a few feet away he turned to face Brian. 

Justin yelled. “Brian?”

“Yeah?” 

“Yes, I’ll go out with you.” 

He turned around and started back on his journey home with a silly smile on his face. Little did he know that Brian mirrored his face as well. 

** September-2008 **

Justin was getting ready for his first class to start; Milo was playing with his soccer ball in the room he was kicking it around. They were both waiting for Ben to come get him, suddenly, the door opened. 

 “Hey where is Milo-man?” 

 “Here Uncle Ben.” 

He ran and jumped into Ben’s arms. The bigger man picked him up and spun him around while Justin laughed at the sound of his sons smile and little laugh that escaped him. 

Justin asked “Please, be careful.  Thank you so much for doing this Ben.” 

He put Milo down and sat down in the desk in front of Justin’s desk. 

Ben smiled at his best friend. “Don’t mention it, plus I get to spend time with my favourite nephew. Anyway, how is my brother doing?” 

He grimaced. “Million-Dollar question.” 

 “How are you?” 

He sighed before answering “Tired. I wish there was an answer to help him or fix it.” 

 “Me too.” 

 “Anyway, I will be by at 4:30 to pick him up.” 

 “Okay, no problem. Mi, come say by to papa.” 

Justin bent down to face Milo and he drew him into a tight hug and kissed the little boy on the cheek. 

 “Bye baby, be good.” 

 “I will papa.” Milo hugged his papa tightly. 

They both left and Justin walked behind his desk and sat there until the bell rang. 

Ben and Milo were at the park where the school soccer team would meet kicking the ball around. He wanted to grow up to be like his father and uncle, one of the best. 

 “Uncle Ben?”

 “Yeah?”

 “When will daddy get better?” 

Milo looked at his uncle with questioning blue eyes and Ben’s heart broke a little when he saw the tears that were about to fall. He walked over to pick him and they went to sit on the bleachers. 

 “I’m not sure but soon.” 

 “Oh, can I ask another question?” 

 “Anything.”

 “Does my daddy still love me and I was wondering if he was mad at papa?”

 “I know for a fact that your daddy loves you more than he could ever imagine and as for being mad at your papa, no.  He loves you and papa more than anything, he is just upset about what happened.” 

Milo sat there absorbing the information and seemed satisfied with the answer so, he jumped off and went back to kicking the soccer ball around. Ben went back to play with him and decided it was time to talk to Justin about what Milo brought up. 

** June-2003 **

Brian had been nervous for the first time ever. He had been on dates before but this was different; for some reason this date was unlike any he ever been on before. 

Justin was meeting Brian on the dock by the lake. He was so scared and nervous that it was all a joke, but for some reason he couldn’t stop himself from going.  They had been talking every night since Brian had asked him out and they had agreed to keep this budding relationship a secret because their friends around them would of course hassle them. Justin was waiting for Brian to come; it was getting closer and closer to 7:00 and there was no sign of Brian, that’s when the pacing began. He was so lost in thought that he never saw Brian come up behind him. Brian stood there for a minute with a smirk watching the blond pace. 

Brian asked. “Nervous?” 

Justin turned around caring two bags of Thai food along with a small smile on his face. 

 “Maybe.” 

Brian walked over to the edge of the dock and sat down while Justin followed him and sat across from him. 

 “Don’t be.” 

They were both spreading out the food when Justin finally broke the silence with the question that has been plaguing him since they first started to talk. 

Justin finally asked the question that had been bothering him. “Why did you ask me out?” 

Brian let out a breath before answering. “You intrigue me.” 

 “So, this isn’t about sticking it to Ben.” He raised his own eyebrow to the boy in front of him. 

 “No, as much as I would love to do that. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

 “Good to know.” 

They both continued to eat and getting to know each other. They were both laughing and joking around long past the full containers of food, which were completely empty now. Brain pulled out a large box of Cracker Jacks. 

Justin laughed.  “You even have desert, someone was prepared.” 

 “It’s not much but…”

 “Stop. Tonight has been perfect. I don’t need the fanciness.” 

 “I am seeing that.” *he smiled goofily at Justin who smiled back at him.* 

They were sharing the box of Cracker Jacks, smiling at each other, continuing on telling each other about their lives when suddenly Brian saw the plastic bracelet at the bottom of the box. He pulled it out and pulled Justin’s hand in his lap. 

 “What are you doing?” 

 “Giving you this.” 

He slides the plastic bracelet on to Justin’s slim arm. 

 “What is it for?” 

“For you to remember our first date.” 

 “Thank you.” 

Justin doesn’t think about it but suddenly, when Brian removes his hand from Justin’s he hated that the familiar, yet strange hand was gone. He grabbed Brian’s hand back and pulled Brian closer; Brian’s face was inches from Justin’s when he braved it and leaned and gently brushed his lips against Brian’s. 

 “Best date ever”, he whispers when they broke apart

Brian looks at him in the eyes a real sincere smile graces his face, “Me too.” 

They only sat there for a few more minutes when they realized that the sun had already settled and the stars were coming out. They both got up and cleaned up dinner as they walked from the lake holding hands.  They separated when they both saw they had to go in opposite directions. They both walked home with huge smiles on their faces thinking about what just happened. 

** September-2008 **

Justin was pulling into the garage from a long day. He had gotten Milo from Ben and Michael’s but then his happy buzz from his first day was quickly deplored when Ben told him what he and Milo had talked about. He couldn’t believe his little boy thought Brian didn’t love him; he was trying to help Milo by not taking him away from his father and hurting him but this turn of events just told him that he wasn’t doing a good job of protecting him. He got Milo out of his seat and walked into the house. He didn’t see Brian in the living room drinking like he had for the past 6 months. 

 “Mi, go play in your room ‘till dinner.”

 “Okay.” 

Justin watched as the little boy ran to his room to play and he went in search for of his husband. He saw him sitting by the pool in the backyard.  He went and sat on the chair next to Brian’s wheelchair. 

 “How did it go?” Brian asked. 

Justin sighed.  “Okay, I think. How was Physo?” 

 “The same as always. Where’s the kid?” 

 “Playing in his room until dinner.” 

They both sat there in silence; that was the normal routine of conversation, nothing loving or resemblances of feelings. Only stale pain that lingered in the air.  Finally, Justin couldn’t take it anymore. He had to let Brian know what was going on with Milo, he never doubted that Brian loved Milo but he did doubt his love for him. 

Justin finally brought up a subject he was dreading. “We have a problem with Milo.” 

 “What?” 

Justin got up and stood right in front of Brian to look him in the eyes. 

 “Let’s see, our 4-year-old son asked his Uncle, the guy who has been there for him these last six months, if you still love him or me...even. I can handle myself questioning loving me but I refuse for our son to think, let alone question your love for him or anyone else for that matter.  You need to figure out what the fuck you are going to do before you lose both of us!”  Justin snapped before storming back in the house. 

TBC

 


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes:   


* * *

Banner/Beta: All to my very P who I am honored to have help me with all my stories and banner needs. You rock the gay boy’s socks. (It’s true.)

 

  _Last chapter “Justin: We have a problem with Milo._ _Brian: What?_ _Justin got up and stood right in front of Brian to look him in the eyes._ _Justin: Let’s see, our 4 year old son asked his Uncle, the guy who has been there for him, these last six months if you still love him or me...even. I can handle myself questioning loving me but I refuse for our son to think let alone question your love for him or anyone else for that matter.  You need to figure out what the fuck you are going to do before you lose both of us!_ **September-2008**

Brian sat there long after Justin went inside,  He couldn’t help it, he was still so angry and pissed off for what happened.  But he honestly, never wanted to hurt Milo or Justin. He didn’t really realize that his angry was affecting his family.  They didn’t derseve this he knew that but then again he didn’t either.  He was lost in his own world his little boy was starting to feel the same way he felt about Jack for those years and he hated Jack with more then a fiber in his being. 

** June/July-2003 **

 It had been two weeks since their first date, They would meet late at night, so that no one would find out about them. They would just talk and of course, make out like the hormone driven teenagers they were.  They also talked on the phone till they were practically sleeping on the phone. 

Justin was sleeping soundly when suddenly his phone started to ring and not just any ring the one that signaled Brian. 

_“I can feel you all around me_  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place”

Justin’s face immediately broke into a huge smile as he reached for his phone on the dresser. 

“Yes...” 

“Morning sunshine” Brian smiled into the phone.

“Hey, how did you sleep? “

Brian pouted before answering. “Well, Okay considering….”

“Considering what, Dirty boy?” *he laughed at the name and he could hear Brian laugh as well*

He sighed into the phone after the laughter subsided. “Being all alone in my big bed. You know since you left so fast last night.” 

“Your parents were down the hall I could hear them walking around.” He whispered trying to sound harsh.

“So? “ He stated.

“I already told why I left so fast, if it makes… you feel better I missed you too. “

“It will do... for now”

They continued to talk and flirt for a few more minutes until Brian said he had to get to practice and then they hung up and made plains to meet up later. Justin got dressed and walked next door to Ben’s house. He didn’t even knock considering he most likely knew his best friend would be in bed but that didn’t stop him from yelling as he walked up the stairs. 

“Ben! Are you up yet? “

 He walked the rest of the stairs to Ben’s room and opened the door to see his best friend spread out in a deep sleep so he thought of the only thing to do was to jump on him.  As soon as he landed hard Ben ground. 

Bed Yelled. “Justin, get the fuck off me!”

He pushed Justin off him and he fell on to the floor he quickly got up and stood there. 

He pouted. “Mean best friend.”

Ben who was trying his hardest to get back to sleep. 

“Get over it. And  I am  not getting up yet, so leave so I can sleep. “He said as he laid back down trying to drown out the blond next to him.

“Why?”

“Are you a child?” He snapped.

“Will answer my question? “ 

“I’m closing tonight”

“Fine, abounded me for sleep “Justin said dramatically.

“Gladly” *he sad as he put the pillow over his head* 

“I am going to go see if Daphne wants to be my new best friend. “

“Good. “ Thankful that Justin finally left. 

Justin left Ben’s house and started to wonder around town until suddenly he saw Daphne sitting on the bleachers at the park, not paying attention to the fact the school was practicing for soccer or that Michael and the rest of the groupies were there. 

Daphne saw Justin “Justin, come here”

“Hey Daph”

He walked up the bleachers and sat next to her. 

“You know, Michael, Em and Kristen” Daphne made the introrductions. 

“Hey guys.” 

Kristen and Em “Hey Justin. “

Michael gives him a sort of have wave and of course sneer, Justin just take sit in and rolls his eyes.  They all turned to watch the practice on the filed. 

“So, Justin where is your beautiful best friend?” Kristen said with a teasing smile. 

“Still sleeping. “ 

Brian who was taking a break for some water looked toward the bleachers when he suddenly saw a filmier blond hair, slowly a small smile begins to appear on his face but then he turns around and jogs back out to the filed with no trace of the smile that had barley shown. 

Justin was enjoying out with Daphne and her friends, surprising, but of course Michael hated him and vice versa. 

Kristen suddenly breaks the silence. 

“I have very interesting news. “ 

“Please tell “

“Rumor has it that Mr. Captain might be in the R-Word.” 

Daphne gasped. “No!”

Emmett was practically bouncing in his seat. “Yes!” 

Justin who was acting like he wasn’t listen but couldn’t help but let a small barley visible smile appear on his face. 

“He has been strangely happy and caught smiling on the occasion. “ He contained with the story.

“There is always one way to find out. “ Kristen said confinedently

Suddenly, they looked up and the team was finished practicing and he saw Brian walking toward them. He was wearing a white t-shirt that was reached in sweat and basketball shorts. 

“Hey.”

“Brian.” Kristen said with a small smile.  

Daphne looked up at the Burnett “Hey Bri, you know Justin right?”

“Nice to meet you.” Justin couldn’t help but smile his trademark smile in his presences. 

“Yeah, I think we had English together this past year. “

“Small world.” *he laughs a little at the inside joke* 

They all looked at each other with a confused expression and between Brian and Justin to see if they were missing something. 

“So, Bri, there is rumors that you are in a relationship?” Emmett asked causally 

Michael sneered “Of course he is not. Brian doesn’t believe in relationships he only dates to get laid”

Kristen rolled her eyes “Good Puppy.  *she patted his head* you’ve trained him really well Brian, I must say.” She stated with a glint in her eyes.

They all laugh at Michael’s scowl of confusion 

“Was there a question in this or are we just going to stand around and make fun of Michael.” He voice was laced with annoyance.

“Hey!” Michael yelled. 

“Right.  Anyway, back to the relationship I heard from Ted and Brandon that you got a text message yesterday and broke out in this really adorable smile.” 

Daphne joined in the questioning “who was it from? “

Justin looked down at his lap as he started to blush a little, remember the text message he had sent Brian yesterday afternoon.  Brian did a quick look at Justin and then at the rest of the egger people staring at him. 

“Well, I guess since Brandon and Ted said it of course it has to be true but then again they both have gotten hit in the head with a ball numorese times yesterday like always. “ He snapped.

Daphne sighed. “Oh. “

Justin suddenly felt cold, he knew they were keeping what this was a secret for many reasons, one he was scared to tell Ben but he wanted to and the fact that Brian ignored them, he didn’t understand why he just didn’t say it was none of there businesses. He was so confused to what was going on, he didn’t lie to his friends any matter what, he loved being around Brian but he hated the secrecy. 

“Daph, I am so sorry but I have to go. “

“ Oh, okay, are you okay? “

“Yeah, I forgot, I am supposed to help out Nancy today before Ben gets there. “

“Okay, I’ll call you later. “

Justin tried to smile. “Great. “

He quickly left the group feeling Brian’s eyes on him but he just felt this panic and needed to get away from the lies for a while and nothing like working at the coffee shop to keep his mind of things. 

** September-2008 **

Brian stayed outside for a few more minutes thinking then he slowly wheeled himself inside as he opened the door to inside the house he could hear his son and husband laughing. He wheeled toward the kitchen where Milo was sitting on the counter helping Justin make dinner.  Everyone few minutes Justin would make these weird voices as he place vegetables into the salad so Milo would actually eat them.  Milo would laugh when ever he would make the “Plop” noise when he dropped them into the bowel. Brian finally completed rolled into the kitchen to make him known and he smiled while he looked at Justin and Milo. 

“Mi, can I talk to you?”

The little boy answers with ‘okay. ‘ 

Justin put Milo on the ground while he ran to Brian picked him up and wheeled into the living room so he could talk to his son.  Justin walked into the living room giving them something to drink and started to leave when Brian grabbed him with his free arm that was wrapped around Milo. 

Brian whispered “ Stay”

Justin sat on the over stuffed couch listening to Brian talk to their son as he heard the words he could feel the tears roll down his face. 

“Mi, I am so sorry and I know that won’t fix everything but believe me when I say I love you more than anything son. You have made me so proud and I can’t imagine you not in my life. “He spoke with emotions evident in his voice.

Milo looked at his father and he had never seen his dad cry before and suddenly he saw tears in his dad’s eyes. 

“I love you too, Daddy. Do you still love Papa? I mean, when I sleep in your guy’s bed he cries when he holds me. “

Brian looked at Justin and could see the tension in his body not to mention the tears and he looked at his son who was waiting for an answer. 

“I love your papa more than anything and he is my best friend. I messed up so bad Mi but I am going to do everything I can to fix it for you both and for us. Just know Milo I will always love you and be here for you. “

Brian just sat there and held his little boy for awhile, they eventually went to eat dinner even though suddenly the emotional drain of the day finally caught up with them and realized that is was already past 9, Brian rolled Milo into bed and tucking him. They didn’t have to read the little boy his story because he was already asleep.  Justin still hadn’t moved from the couch since Brian left to go tuck Milo in, he was absorbing all Brian’s words that he had told Milo and him. He never question Brian’s love for Milo, he had never seen someone as proud of his child as Brian was when Milo was born. 

Brian had said, he didn’t want to leave, that he was still in love with him not to mention that he was still his best friend. He was confused yet his heart about burst with those declarations.  Brian was wheeling back into the living room and situated his cheer so he could easily move from this cheer to the couch to sit next to Justin.  He grabbed Justin’s hand and he could feel how tense he was and slowly start to let go Justin regrabbed it.  He looked at Brian with tear stain cheeks and dull blue eyes. 

“I am going to stop drinking. “

“Why? “

“For me.. Us… and Milo. I don’t want to lose you Jus”

“Good reason, I love you so much but I don’t if I can trust you yet. “

“I understand and you have no idea how much I love you and Milo.” 

Justin was thinking about over and over again torturing his self, he felt exhausted even thought it was only ten at night and normally wouldn’t go to sleep but he stood up and walked around the couch and Brian thought he was being left here but surprised that when Justin reached his hands up to help him stand and slowly working together they walked to their bedroom a room they had not slept together since he started to drink heavily. 

They both got ready for bed and Justin helped Brian get comfortable, they laid there in the dark just next to one another when Justin lifted up Brian’s arm so he lay in the craves of his body with his head on his heart. Brian wrapped his arms tightly around him. They both knew it was going to be a long hard road ahead of them but for now in this moment it was safe and they could pretend everything was okay. 

 

TBC!!!

   


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes:

 Hey everyone,   
this is actually one of the two shorter chapters in the whole story. Proud right? Okay I am not really good at the medical stuff and it has changed a little from the original written version but I figured this should explain why Brian's in a wheel chair and yes, someone of you maybe upset some people but I promise there is a reason to my madness. Thanks again for reading and commenting. LL Keighley

* * *

 

Disclaimer: *tear*: I don't own anything and sadly not Gale or Randy cuz if I did then they would be locked away in my basement with Izzy too cuz she would be mad if I didn't invite her  
 I only own Milo and Kristen

Banner/Beta: Helen, Thank you so much P for all your help and encouragement with this story.

** July-2003 **

It had been two days since Justin had left abruptly; he didn’t know why but the fact that he avoided the question hurt him. He didn’t know they were going to keep them a secret from the obsessive point blank questioning. He knew they were telling it out loud but again, the fact he was asked directly and he didn’t admit it, that’s what were bothering him so much… and the pain.  He was pulled from his thoughts by his phone ringing

_“I can feel you all around me”_

Before it could continue he pressed ignore. He wasn’t ready to deal with the issues; he knew it might be petty but he was indulging his feelings and maybe his own ego a little. It was the first time Brian had called; he actually had called twenty times and left four voicemails. He just wasn’t ready.  He didn’t know why he was so hurt and why he was punishing himself. He missed Brian more than he thought possible. It was physically hurting him not to be around the brunette. 

He lay on his bed listening to the rain fall outside at least the weather mirrored his feelings.  He was facing the window as the drops of rain hit his window when the door opened and not bothering to look, thinking it was most likely Ben or his mom.  Suddenly, he felt the bed dip down and an arm snake around his waist. He knew then it was Brian.  He felt the warm breathe on his neck as Brian pulled him closer. Justin closed his eyes tightly trying to block the tears from falling and enjoyed the warmth and security that felt. 

 “I’m sorry.” 

 “For what?” 

Justin turned around on his other side to face Brian. He could see the worry on his face and that made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt him, ever. He just knew he needed space. 

 “I ignored you… I just needed to clear my head.” 

 “I know, but I am the one who completely ignored you and didn’t even acknowledge us.” 

 “It’s not that, it’s just… I don’t know I mean, no one knows about us and is there even an ‘us’?  We are a complete mystery and I don’t want to hide this unless you do for some reason.” 

 “First off, there is an ‘us’.” 

 “Really?” *Justin smiles softly* 

 “Yeah. I just have never given a shit before and I do now and that scares me.” 

 “I give a shit too.” 

Justin leans up and meets Brian’s lips in the middle and somehow, his arms wrap around the brunette pulling him on top of him as Brian’s hands cup Justin’s face. 

Neither heard the front door open or someone bounding up the stairs, they were both so absorbed with each other. Ben stood outside of Justin’s door; he heard his best friend crying and as he was getting ready to go inside to comfort his friend when another voice stopped him, Brian.  He couldn’t stay there after hearing Brian say there is an ‘us’. Ben hurried down stairs and out the front door. 

Brian and Justin jarred up from the bed, where they were laying, with the sound of a slammed door. Justin looked at Brian. 

 “What was that?” 

 “Nothing.”

 “Are you sure?” 

 “Yes, now come here….”

He pulled the smaller man down on the bed and stretched crossed him. 

** September-2008 **

Justin was sitting in bed watching his husband sleep. It was only this time where he could actually admit that it would kill him if they broke up. He was still madly in love with him like the first day he meet him in the park. His heart broke the day Brian’s dreams were taken away.

 “What are you staring at?”

  “How did you know?” The voice startled him for a second.

Brian opened his eyes and looked deeply into Justin’s eyes. 

 “Well, I’m so sexy, how you could not stare at me?”

The blond laughed “I was remembering how nice it was to wake up next to you then you had to bring out the huge ego.”

Brian smiles and pulled Justin’s lips to capture him in an intense kiss with his tongue massaging he blondes.  They broke apart when air became a necessity.

“I know,” Brian whispered.

** July-2003 **

Ben couldn’t believe what he had just seen; the fact that his best friend and his brother, his worst enemy, was sleeping together. He was confused and unsure what to think or honestly feel at this point. The enraged feelings were building inside of him.  

He didn’t know how, but he managed to make it to the soccer field where the grass was still slightly moist from the sprinklers that just got done watering the field.  He just sat on the benches with his head buried in his hands and was lost in thoughts. 

Kristen, who was walking through on her way into town, saw Ben looking upset and not wanting to see one of her friends in pain no matter what other’s thought of her, decided to go see what had a big guy like Ben look so lost. 

“Hey Friend,” Kristen said as she sat next him.

“Hey,” Ben’s reply was all Kristen needed; she put her arm around his broad shoulders to give him a sideways hug.

“Um...yeah…so what’s wrong?”

“Noth-”

“Don’t you dare say nothing. I swear if you don’t tell me what has kicked you square in the balls big guy, I will have to hurt you. I mean, seriously you look like you just saw a live version of your nightmare come to life.”

Ben looked at her with a slight smile on his face.

“People underestimate you, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess they do. So, tell Dr.Kris what has big sexy Ben so lost looking? I mean, I know I am not Jus, but seriously good enough, don’t you think?” She tilted her head and smiled softy. 

“Okay, can we not mention his name right now?”

“So, B.B. if we aren’t talking about him I can assume he is the problem or at least part of it?”

Before Ben could answer the question he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulled it out, there was a text message from Justin. 

**_“Hey M.M. what’s up?”_ **

Ben sighed as he wrote back. ** _“Hangin w/Kris.”_**

**_“Meet me for Lunch, please…bring Kris.”_ **

**_“I can’t.”_ **

**_“Oh, Okay. Ttyl?_ **

**_“yep.”_ **

Ben put away his phone, thinking how he just lied to his best friend but honestly, he wasn’t ready to talk to him yet; his head wasn’t cool and he wasn’t sure what he would say. 

“Come on, share with me.  You just lied to J and I know how close you two are.”

“I can’t, not until I talk to him.”

“Okay, I get it. But I am here for you if you need it. “

“Thanks.” 

Brian was lying in Justin’s bed and he saw the blonds’ somber look as he fell back down into the mattress.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think so… though something is up with Ben.”

**October-2008** Things had been very strained between Brian and Justin lately. Even though they were at a point they were talking it still didn’t solve the issues that were left.  Six months ago Brian’s life was perfect he was going to be a semi-pro with a chance to be a pro soccer player when it happened. He had been out having a celebratory drink with Ben, Justin and his manger Eli when Justin decide at midnight he should head home to relive that babysitter of there then three year old son.  Brian and Ben were having a great time when the party started to wine down and after an hour had passed Eli left so they decide to head home with the driver.  It happened so fast…Ben wasn’t there he was rounding the coner just in time to see Brian sailing through the glass window. Now he had yet another set back six months ago his life was perfect, two weeks ago he was getting better, physio was going well then this morning he slipped in the shower screwing up the still tender nerves in his lower back.

No physio for two months…wheel chair and only cane if nessciary.  His life was a nightmare and completely fucked up. He pulled the warm amberoid liquor to his chapped lips that were still hidden beneath his fuelled breaded face. He just swelled and closed his eyes and burned down his throat. 

Justin was exhausted all he wanted to do was to take a steaming hot shower and maybe talk to Brian, if he would let his walls down. All he knew was that he couldn’t take this anymore; living without being alive. He wanted to be happy again and he knew that honestly, Brian was the key to all his happiness but he refused to keep putting Milo through this anymore.  He just wished they could go back to the way they were. 

He walked into the house and he heard the sound of cheer from the TV; he was sitting at home watching the past yet again.  Justin saw him take a huge gulp from the bottle and that’s when he saw that the once full bottle was now half empty. All he could do is be thankful that Daphne asked to spend some quality time with Milo. 

 “What are you doing?” 

 “What does it look like?” *he spat* 

Justin walked in front of the TV and switched it off and of course that pissed Brian off more than he was already feeling. 

 “What the Hell Justin!”

 “You said you would stop this, you promised me that you are done with the fucking sorry ass feelings you have been having.”

 “Well, I guess I’m not.” 

 “What happened? What changed?”

“Besides the fact I have nothing now, I can’t do anything anymore and that I am a nothing?”

Justin stood there looking confused, hurt, and angry but most of all pissed and that’s when he felt something inside himself snap.

“Nothing, really” Who is our son? Who am I? I am done, okay. You say you have nothing,then fine, you’ve got it baby.” 

Justin was walking to his room to cool off when suddenly a bottle flashed his eyes and landed against the wall, smashing with the liquid all over the place. He looked at Brian and he saw the shock that was written on his face and Justin was just hurt and broken.

  “We are through. I want a divorce.” 

Justin walked away from Brian and slammed the front door as he slid down in front of the house. He just left the love of his life.  He didn’t even hide the tears that were falling faster than he could ever imagine. 

TBC!

 


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes:

Disclaimer: *tear*: I don't own anything and sadly not Gale or Randy cuz if I did then they would be locked away in my basement with Izzy too cuz she would be mad if I didn't invite her  
 I only own Milo and Kristen

Banner/Beta: Helen, Thank you so much P for all your help and encouragement with this story.

Note: This chapter is dedicated to Gale Harold who is in ICU right now I would like to wish him a speedy recovery and he is in my thoughts and prayers. 

* * *

** October-2008 **

Brian sat there in the darkness not moving, barely breathing. It had been only two days since Justin walked out on him but it felt like a lifetime.  He couldn’t think; all he knew was that he stewed in the pity of self deprecation.  Suddenly, the noise from the front door opening and closing was heard but he had no intention of moving or speaking to whomever. He knew it wasn’t Justin. He always did what he said so now, he was left to wonder who it could be; hoping someone to end his agony.  He was bringing his hand with the bottle that he got up to his lips when suddenly it was being ripped from his hand. 

“What the fuck?”

“Hi, did you miss me? I know you must have or do you miss your **Husband** or how about your **son**?”

He saw the very angry man in front of him and even though they hadn’t seen each other in four years, he could tell that some things did stay the same.

“Emmett, what the fuck do you know?”

“Huh let’s see shall we? My best friend calls me and says we have a problem...” 

Brian interrupts “Kris needs learn to mind her own fucking business.” 

“Yeah you see, this is our business, we are family. I knew you weren’t handling your shit Brian but come on!”

Brian looked at himself finally and the feeling of shame and self depth began to course through him. He felt the couch sink and looked at him; he had no looks of pity but of sadness and pain. He knew it was hard for Em to be back here but like he said, ‘We are Family.’  That was the deal we all made.

“How is he?” He couldn’t bring himself to say Justin’s name; he honestly had no right. He had virtually ruin the best two things that ever happened to him 

“Heartbroken. He feels like he just lost the love of his life and also Milo misses you and not to mention he is confused.”

“How’s Ben?”

“Well, Kristen said he is worried about you. I couldn’t…I mean...”

“I know. Sorry I brought him up.”

“He’s you’re brother.”

** July-2003 **

It had been a week since Ben found out that his brother and best friend were sleeping together. The thought of that made him sick and he hated that he still couldn’t face Justin. Amazingly though, Kristen’s words were true and hunting him every day. He needed to confront Justin and to try to understand what was going on exactly. 

Justin and Brian, unlike Ben who was confused and sad, were doing great and were beyond happy with one another. They were currently at Brian’s hanging out since he had the house to himself.

“So, I’m telling Ben tonight.”

Brian looked at his boyfriend; the thought of Ben finding out worried him because he knew how much he meant to Justin.  “What?”

Justin turned to face Brian. “Yeah, I think it’s time and I am also so sick of lying to my best friend. Not to mention that I want to show you off.”

“Oh, okay, you just like me for my status.”

“Yep and it helps that you’re hot.”  He finished with a version of his own smirk.

Brian leaned over to make Justin think he was going to kiss him so Justin started to lean in as well, but when he brought up his hands, he started to tickle Justin’s waist. 

“Bri….s..s..stop…p..please.”

“Say it!” He was tickling him harder as Justin squirmed on the couch.

“You’re…the best boyfriend and I..I don’t use you for the status.”

“Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

“Are you sure about telling Ben, I mean, he isn’t going to like it.”

Justin turned to face him again and brought his hand to Brian’s cheek and gently stroked it.

“I am more than sure and I want to shout it from the roof tops for the whole world to hear that I am in love with you but yeah, I am nervous about telling him and his reaction, especially everyone else’s, but I just don’t care in some ways because I have you at the end of the day.”

Brain sat there taking in the words Justin said and the look of compassion and love were more than evident on his face and eyes and he knew that what Justin just confessed, was nothing but truth.

“You love me?” He meets the icy blue eyes.

“What… huh... what?”

“You said you love me.”

“Oh, well I didn’t mean to say it like that but yeah, I love you, I mean… I am in love with you Brian and I don’t know when it happened or how but um… yeah, there it is.”

Brian smiled before pulling Justin toward him and their lips crashed together in a soul searing kiss. They separated for air and Brian gently, as he looked deep in Justin’s eyes, stocked his cheek.

“I’m in love with you too, Justin.” 

** October-2008 **

Justin was lying in an unfamiliar bed while strips of sun were trying to invade the dark room. He couldn’t move,  his heart felt like it was broken in two and all he wanted to do was sleep. The moment his eyes would open, tears would fill them and he just felt utterly exhausted. Nothing could take this pain away. 

Ben, Daphne and Michael were all sitting in the living room worried and scared. Justin, who had never been one to hide from the world, was now locked away in a room. He hadn’t come out in two days and he didn’t speak. They all had tried to get Justin to open the door and he wouldn’t. Milo was staying with Kristen and of course the little boy was asking questions. 

“What do we do?” Michael asked.

“I honestly don’t think there is anything we can do.” Ben answered.

“Milo is asking Kris where his papa and daddy are. I can’t keep lying to him.” Ben was the only one to talk to Kristen but was unaware an old face was in town. 

“I honestly think that he is talking to Milo but still this isn’t healthy.” 

“It’s him dealing.” Daphne responded.

Kristen was sitting in the backyard of the house she shared with Daphne since moving back to the city they all moved away from. Milo was swimming in the pool. of course she was watching her nephew.  Milo got out of the pool and stood in front of his aunt.

“Aunt Kristen?”

“Yes Milo-Man?”

“Where is my dad?” 

“Mi listen to me…” Kristen said as she picked him up and sat him in her lap “Your daddies love you more than anything.” 

“Did I do something?”

“No Mi, I promise you, no matter what happens, you will always have your daddies, you have me, aunt Daph, uncle Ben and Michael.” 

“And you have me too Milo Man.”

“Uncle Emmett!”

The little boy jumped off Kristen’s lap and ran to the man standing in front of the gate; Emmett picked him up and spun him around holding him close. Kristen got up to hug her best friend.

“Em, what are you doing here?”

“Kris, we’re family. Where else would I be?”

** July-2003 **

Justin was sitting at the soccer field waiting for Ben to show up; he was scared and happy at the same time, which was strange, but it was a nice feeling knowing Brian would be there no matter the outcome of today. 

“Hey,” Ben walked toward his best friend the nerves and anger were ever more present.

“Hey M.M.” Justin fingers were twirling in his lap. 

Both unsure what to say or how to even begin a talk of this magnitude. He knew Ben would be hurt and upset but he also, in some ways, he was hoping for happiness but he knew that was naïve of him.  Justin got up off the bleachers and now was pacing on the grass and normally Ben would have joked about creating a whole in the ground but he could feel the pain it was causing him. 

“Jus, what is going on?”

“Okay, um… look I have to tell you something and I get that you may hate it and be pissed and honestly, that’s fine; no, wait, it will suck but I just need to tell you and never please doubt you’re my best friend and do love you more than anything in this world. I would never intentionally hurt you I swear and well..you..”

“Jus, you’re rambling.”

“Right,” Justin exhaled. “Umm, I have been seeing someone, well not seeing more like it’s really serious. I fell in love with him and I honestly didn’t mean to and who it is I can’t help it. He became my world in a matter of seconds and I swear I never wanted to hurt you.” Justin now had tears in his eyes from the thought of hurting his best friend. The one person who knows all his secrets, but he couldn’t help it; he fell hard for Brian Kinney. 

“Who is it?”

“Brian.” 

Meanwhile Kristen came into the café where she saw her two best friends in the corner talking. 

“What’s up losers?” She said as she sat down. 

Emmett smiled at the girl in front of him. 

“Well, nothing but now that you are here, who knows.”

“I knew you couldn’t live without me.” She smiled

“Oh, yes Kris our lives revolve around you.” Daphne smirked.

“That’s right bitches!” 

The tree of them dissolved into laughter. 

“So has anyone seen Brian today?” 

“Why?” Daphne looked at Emmett curiously.

“Well, I don’t know what happened to that boy exactly, but he has the biggest smile on his face and it’s also in his eyes. “

“Well, I wonder. I mean, Ben has been prissy lately.”

“There is something going on with Justin.” Kristen put her hand over her mouth quickly and the other two were looking at her with a smirk and raised eyebrows. “Oh, My God!”

“Kris anything you like to share with the group?” Daphne smiled.

“No, I’m good.” 

Emmett put his arms around her. “Now Kris, we are your best friends, there are no secrets, tell us what you know and we all know it’s something good and big or else you would be telling anyone who would listen.”

“Fine. Ben said Justin has been seeing someone and who it is can turn everything we know and hold dear upside down.” 

Emmett and Daphne both look at each other and smiled.

“Brian and Justin!” 

Kristen nodded her head yes.

“That is amazing!”

** October-2008 **

It was the third day of tears and pain and one thing was evident, Justin needed Milo more than anything. He couldn’t keep this up, breaking down. There was a soft knock and the door opened slowly. It was the first time in three days it was unlocked. Daphne crept inside, she knew that she was the only one Justin might open to. Yeah, he could open up to Ben but he knew, since Ben and Brian had become friends, he wouldn’t want to put him in that place. She went over to the bed and lay down next to him wrapping her arms around him. 

“Hey buddy.”

Justin just laid there as he felt Daphne’s voice float. He knew she would come in first; Daphne had always been there through everything, all the good and bad. She was the one that knew Justin like a book. 

“Mi misses you. He asked Kristen about you all the time, would you like her to bring him over?”

He nodded his head yes, he wanted his baby. 

“Can you shower? I don’t think Mi would take this version of you well.” 

He whispered a rough voice.” I can’t breathe.” 

She had tears in her eyes as the pain-laced words hit her straight in the heart and she placed a soft kiss on his head.

“I know, I wish I could do something.”

“You can’t...” 

The tears took their toile on him and he was just laid there as they fell again and all Daphne could do, was hold her best friend as he cried into the sheets again and she soothed him to sleep. 

TBC!

 


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: *tear*: I don't own anything and sadly not Gale or Randy cuz if I did then they would be locked away in my basement with Izzy too cuz she would be mad if I didn't invite her  
 I only own Milo and Kristen.

Beta: Helen, Thank you so much P for all your help and encouragement with this story.

Banner: Helen, you are amazing for even created one let alone for two.  Thank you for all your hard work and help.

* * *

 

 

 

** July/August-2003  **

The summer was ending rapidly to the point that by the end of the weekend, they were officially starting their senior year of High school, needless to say how much more have changed than anyone could have known.  Justin was lying in his room as the sound of the front door closing and a horde of people coming upstairs. He didn’t even move until the door opened.

“You asshole!” 

Justin sat up and looked at his door seeing three smirking faces who tried to look as if they were pissed off.

“What are you talking about?” 

They closed the door and rushed over and sat on Justin’s queen bed. 

“How could you not tell us?”

“Is this why you got upset at the soccer practice, huh?”

“When did it start?”

The question’s came out at once and it took Justin a minute to figure it out and he still was beyond confused at this point.

“What are you all talking about?”

Daphne smiled “You and Brian, seriously?”

** October-2008 **

He finally stopped crying and walked towards the bathroom and stopped there, in his bed, was Daphne. He smiled faintly at the fact she stated with him while he cried. He walked into the clean room and his muscles were sore; three days of nothing but lying down had a dramatic effect and for some reason, his face hurt, actually it had been hurting, but he didn’t think differently because of the tears that wouldn’t stop.  He walked to the sink and there he saw himself in the mirror for the first time.  His face was paler then normal and he had little scratches on the pads of his hands. The dark circles under his eyes were heavy. He closed his eyes and inhaled; he was trying to be strong but all he wanted to do was crawl back in bed and just never leave. It was there where nothing could hurt him and divorce didn’t exist. 

He couldn’t stop the shaking and tears fell harder and he just needed to break free from everything.  Suddenly he felt two arms around him. 

“I can’t do it.”

“Yes, you can. J you are one of the strongest people I know.”

They were looking in the mirror’s reflection. 

“How?” He asked with tears stinging his eyes

“Step one, you shower and get some clean clothes. Step two, you see your son who is missing you like crazy and I know it will help a little.” 

He nodded his head yes as Daphne left the bathroom; he walked to the glassed enclosed shower and turned the hot water on.  He stepped into the steamed room and just stood under the spray letting the hot pulsing water run over him, wash away all the stench of the last week. He wasn’t ready to start living, not by far, but he did need to be stronger for Milo. He made the tears leave since he could feel them building in his eyes. 

Brian was walking with his cane to the bedroom; it had been a week since Justin had walked out and he honestly had no blame, he was blaming himself. Emmett didn’t even bother knocking anymore he just came by to tell him that he had a son that missed him but Brian, honestly, felt so worthless without Justin. He was sitting on his bed it literally killed him to walk that far. 

“Brian?” the sound of his brother was ringing through the house. 

“In the bedroom.”  

Ben walked into Brian and Justin’s bedroom and saw his brother wincing in pain a little, but most of all, he saw the tiredness and uneven dent amount of lack of hygiene; his normal sort of scruff-look bread has grown and his hair was beyond disheveled. 

“You look like ass, little brother.” He smirks.

“Wanna smell me?” He quipped back. 

“I can from here, what the hell?”

“I was trying to get cleaned up.”

“Yeah well, I think we should burn the clothes and just get it over with.”

** July/August-2003  **

Justin looked at his friends and smiled slightly with his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. 

“Yes.”

That answer was followed by screaming and giggling.

“I have never seen you act like such a girl, Kristen.”

“Hey, mean,” Kristen playfully yelled before Emmett interrupted. 

“Tell us everything!” Emmett said smiling. 

“I love him and it’s crazy and scary but there it is…”

Daphne smiled as she could see the love shining brightly in his eyes. 

Brian however wasn’t having the best time he decided that he needed to talk to Ben, even though Justin said he was okay with what’s happening, Brian could tell he was lying and putting on a brave face.  He never cared for anyone other than himself before and now, suddenly, he wants nothing more than to make Justin’s world perfect again. He walked near the field and sure enough there was Ben.

“Hey.”

Ben wasn’t at all surprised that Brian had shown up there to confront him; he obsessively cared more for Justin than he was letting others know. 

“What do you want Brian?”

“A brother can’t come see his older brother?”

Ben laughed phonly. “Since when am I your brother?” 

** October-2008 **

Justin was sitting in Daphne’s car as she drove down the street to Kris’s and her house.  Ben was checking on Brian and when Daphne told him that, she thought for sure he would be pissed but he couldn’t be. They were brothers and even though he and Ben were best friends, brothers came first. Daphne said however that he didn’t want to choose sides and of course Justin’s voice, slightly raw from the dryness, said they wouldn’t have to. Now all he cared about was going to see his little boy. He missed Milo so much but he was glad the little boy didn’t have to see him the first three days because he knew he wouldn’t be any help to him or anyone.  He wanted to be locked away again but now he was living only for Milo. 

“Here we are…oh, um...someone came home.”

“Who?” 

“Emmett but...”

“I know, I won’t say anything. It’s good he’s back. Um...Has he seen..?”

“Yeah, Kris says he yelled at him and kicked his ass.”

Justin smiled a little, “That’s our Emmett.”

“You ready buddy?”

“Yeah, I need my baby.”

** July/August-2003  **

“He wouldn’t leave me alone and I was closing the café one day and I was ignoring him but he wouldn’t let me leave.” Justin finished smiling. 

“Brian, Brian badass Kinney did this?” Kristen smiled slightly at the image.

“Yeah…I honestly told him it would never happen but he somehow talked me into it.”

 “He was always good at that.” Daphne said.

“So, are you guys dating casually or is more….” Emmett quirked his eyebrow.

“I told him I was in love with him today and he said he was too.” 

“Oh my god, that is so sweet.”

“Seriously, what did you do with Kristen?”

“Oh, bite me Blondie!” 

_Ben laughed stictionally. “Since when am I your brother?”_

Brian stood there, feet planted firmly in the ground, as he really looked at the other guy in front of him trying to figure out how to answer such a tough question. The truth was, they weren’t brothers; not now and not ever. Brian had been branded into thinking that Ben was the reason for all his pain and anguish that his…no their father put him through. 

“You’re right, we aren’t, but there is something we have in common besides the same ass of a father. That’s Justin. I know you are probably thinking I have an angle or some sick twisted plot but honestly, there is nothing. I care about him and for the first time in my life I don’t care about anyone or anything except him. Now, he is hurting because he thinks you hate him and I hate seeing him in pain so, here I am, willing to do what ever it takes for him to be happy again.” 

Ben sat there and looked Brian dead in the eyes. 

“Anything, really?” 

“Yeah.”

“Then, break up with him. I mean it, leave him alone and get the fuck out of his and my life.”

The silence was defying and for once Brian was praying that he misheard, he couldn’t imagine his life without Justin and now that he had him he never did. 

“Ben, please tell me you’re messing with me?” Brian’s eyes were now begging for this to be some sick joke, he didn’t care who saw. 

“I’m not. I want you to leave him alone,I want you to end whatever this is.” Ben was firm in his decision.

 TBC!

 Note: I know how you all are waiting Justin and Brian to be together soon but at this case they aren’t for a bit. The reason is simple I am trying to show the reality in relationships meaning they have to both want to fix at this point in their lives they have forgotten and taking each other for granted. There is a hard road for them ahead but it will be worth it in the end. The Mpreg is like tv shows it’s there they just don’t talk about it that much. I have a better detailed mpreg story if you want to read it.  I am trying to show how people in their lives can effect every relationship and people do lie you just have to fight for the truth. There is no such thing as happily ever after this is life, they will fight, cry, break up and lie but what it comes down to is love.  

 


	6. Chapter 6

  
Author's notes:

All Around Me

Disclaimer: *tear*: I don't own anything and sadly not Gale or Randy cuz if I did then they would be locked away in my basement with Izzy too cuz she would be mad if I didn't invite her  
 I only own Milo and Kristen.

Banner: /Beta: Helen, Thank you so much P for all your help and encouragement with this story. Thank you so much for the wonderful banner you created. 

* * *

 

** August-2003  **

 It was the first official day of August which singled only a week left of summer break then would start their senior year. Justin who had always liked school could hardly wait mainly it had to do with the auburn hair boy who stole his heart when he least expected.  Now, as he laid in bed he could hardly imagine what life would be like without him. 

In a few days would kick the end of Summer party down at the beach, Kristen held it every year at her father’s beach house so it would be the best three days because they would all be driving together and staying there until Sunday night.   The only thing that could be better was if Ben was coming but sadly he wasn’t talking to Justin still. He honestly didn’t think it would be this big of a deal he knew it would hurt him but still it had been two weeks of silence and he hated being so disconnected from his best friend. 

Brian was at home in his room thinking about the conversation he had with Ben last night, he still couldn’t believe what he was being asked to do. He hated this thought it was actually making him sick the thought of hurting Justin and not being around him anymore. Over the last three months, Brian had changed astronomically and he couldn’t have done it with Justin and him now he was possibly being forced to give that up. 

The door to his bedroom opened and suddenly there was a loud bounce on his bed. 

“Why the glum face babydoll?”

“What have I told you about calling me that?” Brian snaked.

“Umm…do to it all the time cuz you secretly love it?” He finished with a cheeky smile.

“Yeah that’s it. You’ve figured out my dirty little secret, Em.”

“okay, what the hell crawled up your ass cuz I know it wasn’t a certain blue eyed blond with an ass to die for.”

“what...how…?”

“You and Justin totally being in love which I must say didn’t see coming but totally makes sense. “ 

“don’t get too excited about it.”

“Why, Brian are you going to hurt because I swear to god..”

He finally turned to face Emmett and there in the eyes was filled with fear and more passion the Emmett ever experienced from one person. 

“I’m going to have to but I don’t want to Em, I swear.”

“what are you talking about Brian?”

** October-2008 **

Daphne and Justin walked into that house and no one was an around so they walked to the backyard and there they saw Milo in the water with Emmett. 

“He looks happy.”

“He is doing okay but you being here will make it better.” 

They opened the door and walked out to the patio and Milo looked up and smiled a very similar blinding smile of Justin’s as he hurried out of the pool into his fathers arms. Justin bent down and not caring about getting wet he hugged Milo tightly in haling the filmier sent. 

“hey baby boy”

“Hi papa...did you see Uncle Em?”

“yeah, did you have fun with Aunt Kristen while I was gone?”

“yep the best time.”

“good.” 

Justin got up and sat in the chair next to the table and Milo not wanting to away from his dad crawled in his lap. For a minute in that time span everything seemed normal and perfect. 

Ben was cleaning the empty bottles and cans from the living room, he also had the windows opened so he could clean out the stench that had developed in his brother’s house. While Brian was showering he decided to clean up the sheets and blankets and help him get the house straighten up. Then when he looked at the door way that led to the hall for the rooms he saw Brian using his cane as he limped. 

“You are supposed to use the chair.”

“Screw the chair. What are you doing here Ben?” 

“Well, considering your husband /my best friend has locked himself in my guest bedroom for the last three days and you looked like hell when I got here, I figured you could use someone to talk to. 

“Talk about what? The fact that not only is I got set backed for however long or that Justin finally walked away!”

“Because you my idiot of a younger brother, yet again, pushed him to the brink. I mean, I know we have both done some stupid stuff before but seriously this takes the cake.”

“what are you talking about, my mistakes or yours Benny boy?”

Both Brothers stood with frustration and angry rushing through there veins and the thought that were actually calling one another on both their shit for the first time in years. 

** August-2003 ** _“I’m going to have to but I don’t want to Em, I swear.”_ _“What are you talking about Brian?”_

“Ben. Justin told him and Ben told me the only way he would forgive and talk to Justin again was if I was out of the picture. “

“Shit. He did not say that?”

“He did and the worst part is I don’t know how to do that, I mean, we have been together for almost two months and I can’t not have him in my life.”  

“Sweetie, maybe you won’t have too.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, can I just be alone?”

“Of course, get some rest I’ll come by later. “ 

Emmett got up and closed the door and rested his forehead before going down the stairs and out the front door. He couldn’t believe that Ben would do this, he knew Ben wouldn’t like it but the fact he was willing to step in the middle of this and stop to people who were obsessively in love with one another for his own selfish reasons pissed Emmett off in ways he could hardly even imagine. 

He walked over to Ben’s and after being let inside the house he walked straight up to boys room and without knocking swung it open and closed it behind him. 

“Emmett, What the hell?” 

“What the hell is right Ben, Seriously! Are you really that much of an ass to ask Brian to stay away from Justin. You may not believe him or whatever reason. HE is upset with the fact he might lose Justin because he knows what Justin means to you he is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for your selfish reason. Why are you willing to tear them apart?” Emmett finished breathlessly. 

Ben sat there looking at Emmett he couldn’t say anything because he wasn’t thinking actually the thought of Brian’s feelings being true never came up. He said nothing as the taller man looked at him with such disgust and disappointment. 

Justin was from his thoughts when felt the filmier arms wrapped around him.  He turned on his back and meet worried eyes; He had never seen Brian look so pained and fragile before. 

“Bri, what is it?”

“I love you, I can honestly say that I have never and will never feel this way again…”

“I love you too and I feel the exact same way….” 

** October-2008 **

“Look I can honestly say yes I have made mistakes in the last four years but Brian, this is your family you are about to lose. Justin and after everything we have been through espially Milo. You are his hero and the fact you are so willing to just give up because you have a fucking set back, you are not the man I thought you were!”

He looked his brother in the eyes with tears, He hated emotions and he hated showing them so obesltily 

“They deserve better, I am no ones hero.” 

Justin was laying Milo in the room Kristen and Daphne had designed for him spiefically. He brushed the hair away from his little boys head. 

“I love you son and I am doing this for you. “ He whispered roughly and with pained voice. 

He leaned down and gently kissed Milo’s forehead and left the room and walked back into the living room where everyone was. He watched from the door way as the three of them were laughing and he knew it was time to completely clean. They had been his salvation once before and here they were again. 

He walked in the living room and curled at the edge of the couch while the eyes of worry and love were on him.  He knew he had to tell them it had been three days and he had barley talked about what led to him walking out. They all knew that he still loved Brian and was more in love with him than anything but they also knew Justin wouldn’t just walk away from nothing. 

“I came home and I heard the last game before his accident against Medlow valley and I knew something happened. He’d been doing better or at least what I alluded to myself to believe. I walked in and there he was drinking what when I left was a full bottle that I had hidden it was over half way gone. He was beyond drunk and thankfully Milo wasn’t there. 

_Flash back_ _Justin: “What are you doing?”_ _Brian: “What does it look like?” *he spat*_ _Justin walked in front of the TV and switched it off and of course that pissed Brian off more than he was already feeling._ _Brian: “What the Hell Justin!”_ _Justin: “You said you would stop this, you promised me that you (are) done with the fucking sorry ass feelings you have been having.”_ _Brian: “Well, I guess I’m not.”_ _Justin: “What happened? What changed?”_ _Brian: “Besides the fact I have nothing now, I can’t do anything anymore and that I am a nothing?”_ _Justin stood there looking confused, hurt, and angry but most of (all) pissed and that’s when he felt something inside himself snap._ _Justin: “Nothing, really” Who is our son? Who am I? I am done, okay? You say you have nothing, and then fine, you’ve got it baby.”_ _Justin was walking to his room to cool off when suddenly a bottle flashed his eyes and landed against the wall, smashing with the liquid all over the place. He looked at Brian and he saw the shock that was written on his face and Justin was just hurt and broken._ _Justin:  “We are through. I a want divorce.”_

Then I walked out and slide against the door and finally let the tears fall got in the car and drove to Ben’s. I didn’t know what to do, I honestly never thought this would happen, I just…I …

They all came together and pulled Justin into hug and whispered soothing things. 

Emmett looked at his best friend and honestly didn’t blame him and he knew that Brian had done some stupid things before but this honestly was the breaking point. 

“Justin, you did the right thing.” 

“I know you hate me Em.”

“No, baby I am mad at him and he knows it. It will be okay.” 

“I am going to go to bed, I have to start my life tomorrow. “ 

The three of them watched Justin walk to Milo’s room and once they heard the door closed them all looked at one another. 

“You don’t think they will actually spilt up do you? “ A worried Daphne Asked.

“I don’t know but I do know we have to be there for both of them.” Kristen stated. 

“We are in for a bumpy ride boys and girls.” Emmett said finishing his glass of wine. 

** August-2003  **

Justin pulled Brian down crashing his lips against his own, not wanting to hear what he has to say he knew it was bad and he wasn’t ready for it to end. Nothing would be the same after Brian left today and he didn’t want to think about it because he honestly didn’t know if he could handle not having Brian in his life and he wasn’t ready to get rid of this feeling. They broke apart breathlessly. 

“I love you too. Don’t “

“I have to tell you something.” 

“No, you don’t, its fine *Justin took in a deep breath* I just want to fall asleep with your arms around me...please?”

Brian nodded his head wordlessly  he couldn’t think of anything else they both laid down on the big bed with there thoughts in over drive just for one night things were fine and nothing matter but there love for each other. 

TBC!!


	7. Chapter 7

  
Author's notes:

Banner: /Beta: Helen, Thank you so much P for all your help and encouragement with this story. Thank you so much for the wonderful banner you created. 

* * *

** October-2008 **

The brothers stood there daring one to blink before the other; of course they both knew neither would. they had that in common, the stubborn side of each. It was the test that has done many times before since they reconnected five years ago. 

“So, you are letting him leave?”

Brian laughed sardonically “He’s already gone.” 

“What happened to you man? I mean, you used to be this cocky son of a bitch and now you are nothing but a whiney mess of the kind of a man you used to be?”

“Why the fuck do you care? You’ve finally have what you wanted, Justin away from me!”

Ben finally looked at the broken man in front of him and saw that he was trembling. He knew Brian should be sitting in his chair or on the couch; he needed to take the pressure off his legs and back. 

“Can you please sit down?”

“No, I’m fine,” he grunted with pain. 

“Yes, you are extremely fine with the sweat pouring from your face. Sit your ass down!” 

The staring contest commenced when finally Brian’s were feeling more like jello; he finally hobbled to the couch and sat down and thinking he would get rest from his brother but sadly, that was not the case. Ben walked over with a cold bottle of water and handed it to Brian which he took with a grunt of acknowledgement. 

Brian was lost; he knew he really didn’t want the blond to leave him but he honestly believed that he had nothing to offer and even more so for Milo. All he wanted out of his life was for his family to be happy and proud of him but of course, he couldn’t even mange that. He failed them again much like he did back when he first found that there was going to have Milo. He looked at his brother expecting to see pity; instead he saw understanding and love. Right then, Brian knew that as long as he had someone to help him he could make it.

Justin was sitting in Kristen and Daphne’s house thinking of what to do. A part of him was still unsure about finding a new place, maybe because he honestly didn’t want to. He still wanted to be with Brian and he was still going to prove to the brunette that he would be there no matter what. He was looking at the morning newspaper sipping his morning coffee when Daphne came trolling in. 

“Morning my other best friend.” She smiled as she got a cup down for her coffee. 

“Moring my slightly dragged friend.” He smiled at her. 

“You’re an ass, and what are you doing?”

“Whatever and thinking…” Justin lowered his eyes. 

“About what, Jus you can tell me anything.” She pulled the chair out from the table and sat next to him.  

“Where Milo and I are going to live and honestly, I didn’t ever think this would happen. I thought Brian and I would always be together and I want us to be; it’s just now it seems so much more permeate than it ever did.” Justin finished with tears brimming but quickly they vanished. 

** August-2003 **

It was Saturday of the last weekend before senior year; tonight was the beach party for the end of the summer, the beginning of the new school year. Full of test, games and more drama than a soap opera. Of course, as most of everyone was excited about this particular event, Justin was not. He was currently in his room, at his house, not at Kristen’s beach party. The fact was he hadn’t left his room since Thursday, which would under normal circumstances worry most parents but as they are never there, not here the worrying was left to your friends, which didn’t know what was going on. When they called or came over to check on them, he would claim he was sick. So, he just laid there lost in thoughts and tears that wouldn’t stop running. No one would know what happened until after the party; he didn’t want to ruin the party with petty drama as he saw it. 

Meanwhile, everyone was getting ready for the bomb fire on the beach tonight; Kristen’s house had become somewhat a staple over the last four years. Everyone knew where it was and they also knew that only certain people were allowed to crash there at the end of the drunken games.  Her house had six bed rooms and four and a half bathrooms. It was homey yet impressive. Needless to say it had its own private pool and not to mention a dock that ended in the ocean. She was lounging by the pool with Daphne and Emmett. 

Emmett was completely lost in his thoughts of his confrontation that he had with Ben.  The thought that he would do that, even think to make two people who cared about each other so miserable.  Now he was here at the end of the summer beach party, usually his favorite summer event, but he couldn’t seem to enjoy it because he knew someone was missing. Justin wasn’t here; the fact was that no one had seen him since Thursday night but they had talked to him and Brian who didn’t come ‘till today, was in a mood that seemed to element hurt and disappear.  

“Emmett!” 

Emmett was pulled from his musings and being stared at by two girls; their faces were filled with confusion and wondering where he went too. 

“Sorry, what?” 

Kristen spoke up. “I was wondering if anyone knew what crawled up Brian’s ass today but by your silence and zoning out I am thinking you do know Em.” She quraked her eye brow.

“Does this have to do with why Justin isn’t answering the door but taking phone calls that don’t last more than seconds?”

“Also, let’s not forget the much more threatening looking daggers Brian is shooting Ben and Ben looking much more chipper than he has been the last two weeks?”

Both girls finished with small frowns of worry and the only thing he could do was look away knowing, if they found out what he did, they would kill both brothers and go and comfort Justin. 

“I can’t tell you.” 

“Since when has that stopped you?” Daphne cocked her head to the side. 

“Since now, I can’t tell you.”  Emmett adamantly said. 

“Fine. Fine. Daphne, leave the poor boy alone, for now.” Kristen said with a small smile. 

“For now.” Emmett repeated as he lay back down on the lounge chair. 

** October-2008 **

“You are both staying here.” Daphne affirmed him. 

“No, we can’t.” Justin shook his head. 

They didn’t know that Kristen was walking into the room and she took out a cup and filled it with the warm bitter aroma. 

“You are staying here Blondie.”

“Are you guys sure? There is a four year old and me…”

“You’re family, you’re staying. This way, when you and Brian do work this out, and we all know you will, you won’t have that drama and plus, you need us right now.” 

“I don’t want Bri to think you are choosing sides.”

“He won’t. I am sure he will understand and be beyond grateful. “ 

Emmett came into the dining room. 

“And if he’s not, I’ll kick his ass.”

Justin scoffed.  “You are one of his best friends.” 

“Duh, we all are but more importantly, we are family and we’ll be there for each other.”  Daphne put her hand over Justin’s. 

Suddenly, Milo came running into the room. 

“Morning lovely ladies and Papa!” The little boy smiled a full beaming smile. “Am I going to see daddy today?”

Justin sucked in a deep breath before answering his son; he could see the want and need.

“Of course, baby.” 

Emmett interrupted. “I’ll call your daddy for you and take you over there.”  

Justin mouthed ‘Thank you’ to his friend while Daphne got the little boy his breakfast before the day of adventure he was going to have with his other father. 

Brian woke up on the bed and he pulled the crutches toward him and walked toward the bathroom to relieve himself. A part of him wanted nothing more than to lay in bed in self pity but he couldn’t today. He was pulled out of his depressing thoughts, as he walked toward the kitchen, when the phone rang; he had just pushed the button for the coffee. 

“Hello,” he slouchy replied.

“Hey baby doll.” Emmett’s chipper voice was not what he wanted to hear; he secretly wished that Justin would call him back so he could beg forgiveness. 

“Em, what have I told you about that damn name?” He gripped. 

“Blah Blah, but you know I never listen to you usually. I do have a real reason for this call though.”

“Thank god,” he said as he maneuvered himself to get a cup down from the cabinet and filled it with his coffee. “What is it?” He asked as he took a huge gulp. 

“How would you like to spend the day with Milo-Man?”

Brian closed his eyes as he leaned against the counter; he couldn’t believe how much he missed his boys. He missed Milo running around and being loud and he missed just being near Justin. He needed to somehow make amends to both of them, especially his son. 

“I’d love to,” his voice broke with emotion. 

Emmett could hear the broken man’s voice, he sounded like Justin looked. Broken and hurt yet stubborn beyond belief. “Okay baby doll… I will have him over in the next hour he has to get cleaned up.”

“Thank you Em, can you..?”

“Yeah, I’ll let him know. Later.”

“Later.”

His mood was so much better; he had to get ready to spend the day with his little man. 

** August-2003 **

Justin groaned as he rolled on his back and just laid looking at the ceiling; it had been two days since the last night he spent with Brian. They made love all night and it wasn’t there first time no, far from it. It was just like the first time, every moan, gasp, touch and caress. It was like he was saying good bye, trying to memorize every detail of the boy, and it worked.  He closed his eyes thinking of Wednesday night.

_He rolled over while Brian laying between his legs and he ran his hands through the blonds’ hair and stared deeply into the deep blue eyes._

_“I love you, Justin Taylor.”  
“I love you too, Brian Kinney.” Justin leaned up and met his lover’s lips and there were kissing lazily as they touched each other everywhere. They slowly made love, gasps and moans where heard as they held on for dear life. Brian placed small kisses on Justin’s collar bone as he soon after the familiar tingle feeling he had and they laid there holding on; Justin had tears in his eyes as he could hear Brian whispering he was sorry and he loved him. They lived in the fantasy as they each fell asleep wrapped in with one another. Justin woke up the next morning and he was alone. No good bye just a note saying he was sorry. _

“God” Justin shouted as the tears fell again. He didn’t want to be this boy but he didn’t understand; he knew they were fine but something happened because, even though Brian was the one who left, he honestly didn’t seem to want to leave. He could still feel every emotion it was like an explosion of senses.  Suddenly the phone rang and he knew it would be one of his friends; he didn’t want to answer because they would be able to tell he was crying. He didn’t want them to blame Brian and he knew they would, in some sense.  He reached over and picked up his cell phone, looked at the caller ID and answered it. 

“Hello,” he tried to mask his emotions but knowing it wasn’t exactly working. 

Nothing but breathing and suddenly it clicked on him, Brian was calling from Kristen’s house; he honestly just assumed that it was Kristen or someone else. 

“Brian?” He sat up in his bed. 

“Bri, please talk to me.”

“I’m sorry.” He inhaled and emotional breath.

“Me too.” Justin bit his lip to not let a cry escape. 

“I miss you.” Brian was sitting on the side of the bed facing the window of his room where he could see the ocean and all he wanted was the blond with him. 

“Me too. Bri, what did I do… wrong I mean, why you did…” He couldn’t find the right words to speak because as he was speaking, he could see the brunette shaking his head ‘no’ to all his questions.  He knew someone was to blame and Brian was only trying to help.

“You didn’t Jus… I did this for you, so you could have him back.”

TBC

 


End file.
